This is another piece I wrote for a writing prompt with my writers group. We have a limited amount of time to write whatever we can on these prompts, so we just have to get through as much as we can in the time allotted.
Prompt: The prompt was, God is an elected position, and the election is coming.
“So who all am I running against?” Yahweh asked the angel Gabriel, who was currently acting as his campaign manager. The elections for the position of God only happened every few thousand years, and Yahweh was in the incumbent position. Unfortunately, he was facing some stiff competition this time around. He’d been rather lazy and absent when it came to his duties, and numerous other gods had stepped up to challenge him in the current election cycle.
“Well, first off there’s Buddah,” Gabriel said as he looked down at the list he was holding.
“Buddah? He’s not even a god! How can he be running? Isn’t there some rule against that?” Yahweh demanded.
“Apparently he has enough worshipers to qualify. Besides, if we let him run, at least it’ll keep his followers busy for a while and we won’t have to listen to all that stupid chanting they do that puts me to sleep every time I hear it.”
“Yeah, me too. Oh well, at least he’s a pretty mellow guy, so we won’t have to worry about any mud slinging from him. Who else we got?” he asked. Gabriel looked down at his list once again.
“Lucifer the Lightbringer,” Gabriel said.
“Oh god, him again. Didn’t I banish him?” Yahweh asked.
“Yeah, but he’s developed quite a following over the past few millennia; mostly among the heavy metal fans and the Goth types. The latest polls show him closing in on us fast. He’ already within the margin of error.”
“Can’t we get some dirt on him or somethin’?”
“On Lucifer? Are you serious? It’s the dirt that makes him so popular,” Gabriel said. “Anyway, he’s not the only one we have to worry about. Thor is rising in the polls as well thanks to some stupid movies he’s been in, and Zeus is right there with him.”
“Zeus? I didn’t know that old bastard was running for this. Why would anyone vote for him? I mean, he killed his own father. How could anyone find that appealing?”
“Yeah well, to be fair, Cronos was kind of an ass hole, so he totally deserved it. Besides, you let your son get tortured and killed, so you know…glass houses and all that. Probably better if we just don’t mention the whole patricide thing with Zeus, otherwise you’re gonna be opening a door you don’t want him walkin’ through,” Gabriel advised.
“All right, anyone else?” Yahweh asked.
“Yeah, there’s a few Egyptian gods running, but they don’t have much support at the moment. Then there’s the Flying Spaghetti Monster…”
“What??? The Flying Spaghetti Monster? He’s not even real! How can he be running???” Yahweh asked incredulously as he cocked his eyebrow at Gabriel.
“Actually sir, he does exist. Don’t you remember that night we visited Earth and went to that Italian restaurant. You got all drunk and said Hey, watch this!”
“Oh…shit, that’s right. Jeez, I forgot all about that. That was pretty fun though, wasn’t it? That place had great bread sticks.”
“Come on now, focus!” Gabriel said firmly. “We’ve got an election to win here!”
“So who do we really need to be concerned about?” Yahweh asked.
“Mostly Lucifer and Thor I think, but like I said, Buddah’s making a fairly good showing as well.”
“All right, let’s get to work then,” Yahweh said with a heavy sigh. “I hate running for office. Maybe I should just retire.”
“Up to you,” Gabriel said with a shrug. “You gotta remember though, if Buddah wins, we’re gonna have to listen to all that stupid chanting for the next few millennia.”
“Ugh…ok. Let’s get started then,” Yahweh said, rolling his eyes in an exasperated fashion. “You got the practice debate questions ready?”
“Yep, got ’em right here. Let’s get to it,” Gabriel said as he flipped through the pages in his notebook.
A Prison Without Walls
This is a story done from another writing prompt in my writers group.
Prompt: There is a prison with no locks, no bars, no outside walls, and no guards, but the prisoners are too scared to escape. Why?
Three years. That’s how long it’s been since Wendell died. He just wouldn’t believe us when we told him what happened to all the others who’d tried to leave. I’d like to be able to say he learned his lesson, but he’d have to be alive for that.
We’re all here for different reasons. Joe killed his wife when he caught her cheating on him. Billy…he robbed a liquor store. Not for the money, but because he was a raging alcoholic. Danny was a serial child molester, and Lou was a leg breaker for a loan shark. There’s a whole lot of other guys in here as well, but as for me, I was drivin’ around texting one day and ran over a little kid on his bike. Kid was only three years old, but he was out in the middle of the street. If his parents had only been watching him… Anyway, when I hit the kid, I got scared. I mean, really scared. I knew my life was over the second I heard that bike smack against the front of my car, so I ran. I drove off as fast as I could, but what I didn’t realize is that both the kid and his bike were caught up underneath my car. The cops didn’t have a hard time finding me. They just followed the trail of blood I left behind me for about a half a mile before I finally skidded off the road and hit a tree.
Thing is, we all belong here. The stuff we did…it was bad. I mean real bad. The one thing they told us when they stuck us in this prison was that even though there were no locks, no bars, and no guards…we could never leave this place. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? I mean, who in their right mind wouldn’t just walk right the hell outta here? Every so often someone gets up the nerve to try, but it’s always the same. We find ‘em all torn apart on our doorstep the next morning. I don’t mean torn apart like someone beat ‘em up, or anything like that. I mean there’s somethin’ out there that’s literally ripping ‘em apart and dragging what’s left of their corpses back here, like it’s been trained to do it.
There were a few guys once who figured they’d have a better shot of gettin’ the hell outta here if they worked as a team and split up. I mean hell, it sounded like a good plan. They tried to get me in on it, but there’s no way in hell I’m goin’ out there, and it’s a good thing I didn’t. The next morning we found three bodies on the doorstep, and it looked like whoever or whatever killed ‘em actually rearranged some of the parts, like it was puttin’ together some sort of a gory jigsaw puzzle or somethin’.
I’m not really sure how they get in and outta here, but there’s a food delivery once a week. They also deliver stuff like toilet paper and other assorted toiletries, but for some reason they seem to be able to come and go as they please. That’s why every so often some of the guys start gettin’ brave and take a chance on getting’ outta here. Even had one guy try to kidnap the delivery guys so he could go with ‘em, but that didn’t work out so well…or maybe in its own way it sorta did. They shot him and sent him back in here with a bullet in his gut. He didn’t last long after that, but at least it was a better death than all the others ended up with. No one ever tried it again though after what happened to him.
You might be wondering what we do with the bodies. Most of ‘em got buried in the courtyard we have here in the middle of this place where we take our recreation periods, but the last couple of corpses we had got stripped down by a few of the guys who came up with some bright idea on how to get outta here. They’re gonna take the bones and make weapons out of ‘em. Ain’t gonna work, but who am I to rain on their parade? I’m just some schmuck who killed a kid with my car. I belong in here, so I ain’t gonna make no trouble. When my twenty years is up, I’m gonna walk outta this place all in one piece. Until then, I do gotta admit…seein’ these other guys tryin’ every trick in the book to get outta here is actually pretty entertaining. I mean, who knows? Maybe one of ‘em will actually make it someday.
By Duane • Short Stories By Duane L. Martin 0